Hari uwo numvise wavuze ngo "Urugo rubi rurutwa na gereza". Uwo na we ariko yagize ibyago byinshi rwose kuba yarashaririwe na byombi ! Njye rero ubwo navuga ko nagize amahirwe, nzi kimwe.

Abantu benshi bababazwa no gutandukana kw’abashakanye( Divorce), ariko se burya ikibabaje ni icyo, cyangwa ni NYIRABAYAZANA yabagejeje aho ? Gukomeretsanya bidashira, umubabaro w’amanywa n’ijoro, uburakari, umujinya, ibikomere by’umutima bizagendana nabo ubuzima bwose bibatera guta icyizere mu rukundo, kuzinukwa urushako, hakabaho n’aho batangira gushidikanya ubushobozi bwabo cyangwa ubumuntu bwabo bakitera icyizere.

Iyo uganiriye n’abashakanye bagatandukana ndetse n’abandi bagikomeje urugamba, dore ko ariko twabyita rimwe na rimwe, ukabaza buri ruhande, umwe akubwira ibitandukanye n’iby’undi ari nako buri wese yita mugenzi we umuhemu, bikagucanga . None se mu by’ukuri NYIRABAYAZANA ni inde ? Umugabo ? Umugore ? Ngira ngo aha usubiza bitewe n’uko nawe wabyutse .

Ndabizi iki kibazo sinjye njyenyine wakibajije, cyane cyane nyuma yo kunywa kuri uwo muti usharira uza mu rushako. Ariko nk’umujyanama w’ubuzima (Health&Life coach) ushinzwe gufasha abantu gushaka ibisubizo ku bibazo bimwe na bimwe by’ubuzima ngo bagere ku kubaho bifuza, sinahagarikiye ku kibazo nashatse n’igisubizo. Nyuma y’igihe nabonye ko ikibazo benshi tukibaza nabi. Mu by’ukuri ikibazo nyacyo ni "Nyirabayazana ni IKI ?". 

Maze kumenya ikibazo nyacyo cyo kwibaza cyanatanga igisubizo cyafasha benshi aho guhora abagabo n’abagore batungana agatoki, nahize igisubizo hasi no hejuru, cyane ko nanjye byandebaga nk’uwabiciyemo. Nashakishije icyamfasha gusobanukirwa ibyo biza bizira abantu bakundanye bakagera n’aho biyemeza guhuza ubuzima, hanyuma hadaciye kabiri bagatangira guterana hejuru.

Ibisubizo bimwe narabibonye, bikaba ari nabyo ngiye kugusangiza uyu munsi nizera ko bigufasha nawe kuko ubuzima bwo ni bugufi, nako njye mvuga ko ari burerure ; imyaka 90, 80,...50,... umuntu aba asigaje yo kubaho, nta mpamvu yo kuyibaho nabi kandi bishoboka kuyibaho neza kuko burya ijoro ribi riba rirerire. Kandi ibyo byose bihera mu rugo, ho buruhukiro bwa muntu.

Nifashishije ubushakashatsi bwashyizwe hamwe n’abaganga b’imiryango (Family therapists, Marriage counselors and relationship counselors) nka Dr John Gray, Dr Robert Karen n’ abandi, hamwe n’abize ubumenyamuntu (Psychologists), nasobanukiwe ingingo nyinshi zadufasha gusobanukirwa NYIRABAYAZA.

Icyiza kurushaho ni uko izo ngingo zanagufasha kurinda urugo rwawe ibyo biza n’iyo mibabaro ntipfe kuhegera. Ikindi, zanagufasha kurokora ibyari bigiye gusenyuka. 

Urwo rugo rubi rurutwa na gereza rwanshyikiyeho mu bintu ntigeze no gutekereza, dore ko ari nk’urupfu n’iyo ubyumvise ahandi udatekereza n’umwanya numwe ko wowe bizakugeraho, naraye amajoro n’ iminsi nibaza icyabaye. Bitewe n’uko naramutse, rimwe nkabishyira ku mugabo, ubundi nkabyishyiraho, ubundi nkabishyira ku buzima, rubura gica. Nkumva NYIRABAYAZANA ngiye kuyikozaho imitwe y’intoki, ariko igahita incika.

Kuko nemera ko ntawe ushakira igisubizo ahandi, kandi koko nibwo buryo bwiza bwo kugera ku bisubizo utanduranyije kuko abandi baba ari abandi nta bubasha uba ubafiteho, ubwo rero nishyize mu kayunguruzo.

Mbere y’uko nshaka nagize umukunzi twari tubanye neza twiyemeza no kubana, afite ijwi rihebuje watega amatwi 24/7. Numvaga namuhora iruhande kuko yari umunezero, reka ariko ndekere aho n’ibindi ntabivuga. Nyirabayazana ngo mutahe rero, iby’imyiteguro bigeze kure arihanukira rimwe twasohotse turi mu rukundo rwinshi, dore ko rwagurumanaga nyuma y’umwaka dukundana, ati : Uziko utazi kuba UMUGORE ! Mu mutima nti : nawe ntuzi kuba UMUGABO umuntu utinyuka akabwira umugore gutyo ! Ni gute ushinja undi uko ari ko ahubwo umubwira ibyo ukunda wenda ukazamushinja ko atabigukorera !

Gusa sinabimubwiye ibyo n’ubwo nabitekereje, ariko n’ubundi byabaye nyirabayazana wo gutandukana kwacu. Namubajije icyo bivuze, ngerageza gukora ibyo nshoboye yifuzaga agenda yongera urutonde ngeze aho mbona ko wa mugani we ntazashobora kugera ku mugore yifuzaga, urwo rugendo na we sinarukomeza. Ariko bikomeza kumbera urujijo ukuntu aribwo abibonye tugeze aho kurushinga (ariko nabyo hari ingingo zibisobanura nzavugaho ubutaha, impamvu abakobwa n’ abasore baba ari abantu bahebuje, abagore n’abagabo bakaba abasazi cyangwa nk’abana).

Mvuze inkuru ndende mu ncamake, haciye igihe uwo twari twarakundanye mu bwana, ariko amatage akaza kubizanamo akadutandukanya, turongera turahura tuza no kurushingana. Ikishe ya nka rero ntaho cyagiye, rwa rugo wa mugabo cyangwa umugore yavuze rurutwa na gereza ntitwatinda kutugeraho !

Ubwo rero mu kwisuzuma nyuma byanteye kwibuka bimwe bambwiye. Ndibaza nti ese koko sinzi kuba umugore ? Ese hari amahugurwa yo kuba umugore uvuye mu bukobwa ? Ntabwo ari ibintu byikora se ? Ese mu rugo, umugore ni iki ? Umugabo ni iki ? Bya bintu byose banyigishije by’umwana w’umukobwa ntabwo bihagije ? Ni gute umuntu muba mwumvikanaga uri umukobwa waba umugore bigahinduka ? Ni gute umuntu muba mwumvikanaga uri umusore, waba umugabo bigahinduka ?

Ibisubizo by’ibibazo nkibi biri mu b’ ubumenyamuntu bw’umugabo n’ubw’umugore (menhood/womenhood Cognitive psychology). 

Igitangaje ni uko ibidukururanaho ari nabyo bidutandukanya nyuma. [Tekereza ugiye mu kindi gihugu, umuco wabo ukawukunda ariko bwacya ukibagirwa ko aho hantu bafite ururimi n’umuco bitandukanye nibyo uzi, ukabategerezaho ko bagomba kuvuga ururimi rwawe, bakora n’ibintu nk’uko iwanyu mubikora. Ntibishoboka keretse bize ibyawe nawe ukiga ibyabo]. 

Niyo mpamvu ari ngombwa kwiga gusobanukirwana mugenzi wacu n’ ururimi avuga (menhood/womenhood cognitive psychology), ndetse no gusobanukirwa uruhare rwa buri wese mu kurera ubuzima (Human Reproduction and development responsabilities) nk’impamvu nyamukuru y’urugo. Izo tandukanyirizo zose zabereyeho kuzuzanya ; ntabwo zimwe ari nziza kurusha izindi, zose zikenewe kimwe muri uwo mugambi w’ubuzima wo kubyara no kurera. Atari ibyo, abagore n’abagabo nta mpamvu yo kubana yaba ihari.

Ibibazo rero biza mu mibanire ni uko twiyumvisha ko mugenzi wacu agomba gutekereza no gukora ibintu nk’uko tubikora. Yabikora bitandukanye rero bikaturakaza, bikagera n’aho twabimutonganyiriza tukaba dukoze ku b’umuntu bwe. Kuko usanga n’ ibintu bisanzwe nko kuba avuga amarangamutima ye cyane (ku bagore), akenera umwanya wo guceceka akemura nk’ikibazo/stress(ku bagabo) biba byarabaye ikibazo kandi ari ibintu by’ingenzi mu buzima bwabo. Ibyo rero bitera mugenzi wawe kumva adashobora kuba uwo ariwe igihe cyose muri kumwe bikaba byamuviramo uburakari budashira, inzika, umubabaro,...No kuganira ugasanga ntibigishoboka kuko nta kumvana.

Hari utuntu twinshi abagabo n’abagore bagonganiraho kandi buri wese yumva yakoze uko ashoboye ; uhereye ku nshingano mu rugo, kwereka mugenzi wawe urukundo, gushaka gufasha mugenzi wawe, amagambo dukoresha, ijwi tuvugamo, imibonano mpuzabitsina... kandi uburyo bwonyine bwo kubinyuramo gitwari ni ukwisobanukirwa no gusobanukirwa mugenzi wawe mu bumenyamuntu bwe (gender based Cognitive psychology).

Urugo ni nk’akandi kazi kose ; nk’uko tutarambirwa kwambara neza buri gitondo tugiye ku kazi, duhora twitwara neza ngo tutakabura, duhora twiyungura ubwenge mubyo dukora ngo tuzamuke mu ntera ndetse ngo akazi dukora tugakore neza kandi ibyo tukabikora iminsi 6/7 rimwe na rimwe 7/7, niko n’urugo rukorerwa, cyane cyane ko ariho n’ umuntu amara amasaha make kurusha ku kazi(urumva biranoroshye !). Ariko byo nyamara niho hafatiye umuntu runini mu buzima bwe no mu marangamutima. Niho hakagombye kuba uburuhukiro bw’iby’isi bigora abantu aho kwimurira uburuhukiro mu kabari cyangwa mu rusengero. 

Nta kiza rero kidakenera akazi gahoraho. Ibyo kandi bisaba gusa gusobanukirwa mugenzi wawe, ukamenya kumuha ibyo yifuza n’ibifite agaciro kuri we. N’ubwo n’ibyawe wifuza gutanga ari byiza, ariko sibyo mugenzi wawe akeneye byibanze. Biragora mu bihe bya mbere ariko ntabwo bigora nko guhora mu ntambara cyangwa kuvutsa abana ababyeyi bombi. Ni nko kwiga ururimi rundi, iyo umaze kurumenya ntabwo biba bikinaniza uba usigaye usobanukirwa neza ibyo bavuze ntubangamirwe, ukamenya n’icyo usubiza.

Ikindi n’ubwo byagora kwiga gushimisha no kubaha mugenzi wawe mu buryo abikeneyemo, ntawe byananira kuko usibye ko abigiriramo inyungu, nawe ubikiriramo, iyo anezerewe aragushimisha nawe. Ntabwo nzi ari "Igi n’inkoko" icyabanjirije ikindi, ariko nziko hari umwe utera, undi agahita yikiriza kuko biri magirirane. Wabona ari wowe urugendo rw’umunezero rutangiriyeho. 

Mvuze muri make mu bintu by’ igenzi byatuma urugo rw’ abakundanye bakiyemeza gushyira ubuzima hamwe, rugenda neza uko babyifuje, ariko ibyo kumenya ni byinshi ntabwo nabivuga hano byose ngo bihakwirwe nzajya mvugaho bicye bicye. Ariko wifuza gusobanukirwa byisumbuye ; dufite amahugurwa aba buri mezi 2 (Successful men-women Hood, mu Kinyarwanda/english/frensh, 25.000 Frws/$60) ; wasaba ibisobanuro byisumbuye kuri + 250 791 434 564/ +1 704 901 5421 (Call/ WhatsApp). Tugiramo na coaching( ubujyanama) y’ umuntu ku giti cye ku bitabiriye seminars. 

Sancta Marie
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