Buri wese agira impamvu ze bwite zituma ahitamo gutandukana n’uwo bashyingiranywe, gusa hari impamvu zigenda ziza ku isonga mu gutera gutandukana hagati y’abashakanye ari na zo tugiye kuvugaho muri iyi nkuru.

Mu mibanire y’abashakanye ibintu ntibihora bigenda neza. Habaho ibiza bene byo bagafatanya kubicyemura cyangwa bakitabaza inshuti n’imiryango bakicara basasa inzobe nuko ikibazo kigashakirwa umuti.

Gusa nanone hari igihe kwihangana k’umwe mu bashyingiranywe kugera ku iherezo bikaba ngombwa ko habaho gutandukana, uwahoze ari umugabo n’umugore buri wese akajya kubaho ubundi buzima aho bamwe bahitamo kongera gushyingirwa abandi bakigumira aho.

Gucana inyuma

Impamvu iza ku isonga mu zitera gutandukana hagati y’abashakanye ni ugucana inyuma. Nubwo gucana inyuma ari ijambo bamwe basobanura ukundi, ariko hano turashaka kuvuga ibintu byose by’ishimishamubiri ukorana n’uwo mutashyingiranywe. Nubwo buri wese ashobora kwerekana impamvu yamuteye kubikora ashaka kwirengera ariko guca inyuma uwo mwashyingiranywe akabimenya biri ku isonga mu bitera gutandukana.

Umutungo

Umutungo ku mpande zose zishoboka uri nawo mu bitera gatanya. Byaba kuba umwe yinjiza amafaranga menshi kurenza undi, yaba kuba umutungo mwari mufite wazamutse cyangwa wamanutse, ndetse no kuba umwe mu bashyingiranywe awusesagura cyangwa ashaka kuwikubira nabyo byose biri mu mpamvu zitera gutandukana.

Kutaganira

Ibiganiro byiza ni ishingiro ry’urugo rukomeye. Kutaganira bituma buri wese akora ibye uko abyumva bityo ugasanga gushyira hamwe biragabanyutse nuko unaniwe kubyihanganira agahitamo gusaba gutandukana. Niba ikiganiro mugirana ari intonganya gusa cyangwa se kuvuguruzanya werekana ko ibyawe ari byo bizima gusa urugo rwanyu ruri mu manegeka kuko hakenewe ibirenze aho. Kuganira ku mikoreshereze y’umutungo, ku bitagenda neza (mudatongana) no ku mishinga n’imigambi mufite nibyo bikenewe.

Intonganya za buri gihe

Byaba gutonganira ko imyenda yapfubye cyangwa ko watashye bwije cyane, ikintu cyose kirimo intonganya kandi zihoraho cyangiza umubano. Ntabwo rero abantu bose bihangana bingana hari unanirwa kubyihanganira nuko hagakurikiraho gutandukana.

Umubyibuho ukabije

Nubwo ushobora kumva ko bishekeje cyangwa se bitumvikana ariko kwiyongera ibiro bikabije ku mugore bishobora gutuma umugabo we atongera kumwishimira naho ku mugabo bishobora gutuma ubushobozi bwo gukora imibonano bugabanyuka kandi ibi byose bishobora gusenya urugo.

Kubura ibyo wifuzaga

Bamwe bashyingirwa bafite mu mutwe wabo ibyo bifuza kuzabona bageze mu rugo (marriage ideal). Kenshi rero agera mu rugo akabona ibihabanye n’ibyo yatekerezaga nuko urugo aho kumubera umugisha rukamubera ikigeragezo. Niba warifuzaga umugabo muhora muganira ugasanga uwawe avuga amagambo abaze. Ugasanga wifuzaga umugore uzi guteka neza yahagera ugasanga n’ibishyimbo arabipfubya…

Kudasabana

Kutumva ko wowe n’uwo mwashyingiranywe mwabaye umuntu umwe nabyo biri mu bisenya ingo. Hamwe muba mutameze nk’umugabo n’umugore ahubwo mwimereye nk’ababa mu nzu imwe gusa. Uku gusabana hanazamo imibonano mpuzabitsina. Igihe cyose mutagira igihe gihagije cyo gukina, guseka no kwishima, gutemberana agatoki ku kandi, kuryoherwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, biba bikurura ubwigunge kandi iyo buje haba hari abandi ku ruhande biteguye kubumara uwabugize bityo gusenyuka k’urugo kukaba kuri hafi.

Kubura ubwuzuzanye

Abanyarwanda bati nta ngizi yigira. No mu rugo niko bimeze, hakenerwa ubwuzuzanye hagati y’umugabo n’umugore mu bikorwa byose na gahunda zose zireba urugo. Kuganira mujya inama y’icyakorwa no kuganira ku bindi binyuranye kandi hagafatwa umwanzuro wumvikanyweho ni ingenzi mu babana.

Gushaka utiteguye

Wateye cyangwa watewe inda, imiryango se ibigushyizemo ni zimwe mu mpamvu zishobora gutuma ushaka utiteguye. Uku gushaka utiteguye bishobora no gutuma ushaka uwo utishimiye cyangwa udakunze ahubwo kuko ubuze uko ugira cyangwa ubuze andi mahitamo. Hari n’abashaka kuko hari inyungu runaka bakurikiye ariko ku buryo wamubaza niba azi icyo agiye gukora mu rugo ukaba wasanga nawe atazi ibyo agiyemo.

Guhohoterwa

Nubwo ihohoterwa mu ngo ryahagurukiwe ariko ntitwavuga ko ryarandutse. Guhozwa ku nkeke, gutotezwa, gukubitwa, gukoreshwa imibonano mpuzabitsina ku ngufu ni zimwe mu ngero z’ihohoterwa rikorerwa mu ngo. Ntabwo twashinja uwahohoteye mugenzi we kuba umuntu mubi ahubwo amarangamutima ye ashobora kwangirika bitewe n’akantu gato kaba akavuye kuwo babana cyangwa se ahandi ndetse n’indwara zo mu mutwe zishobora kubitera.